Wednesday - June 27, 2012
There are four days left in "Camp Nanowrimo 2012" and I know that I'm not going to finish and I have made peace with this.  I have learned many things over the last 27 days of June and here is a summary...

One can only do so much.  When a task feels like you are being sandblasted and basted in rubbing alcohol then this is not something you should do.  Working 7 days in a week (oh wait there is only 7 days in a week) I have no down time.  I don't need down time to write, but I do need to re-evaluate things that I do and change a few items in my life.

I need daily writing goals.
I need to go "cold turkey" from Netflix.
I need to go back to the gym to clear my mind and improve my health.
I need to "not" work 7 days a week.
I need to have fun from time to time.
I need to make writing a priority.

I got 16,200 words down in 27 days.  I ripped money out of a retirement plan that will pay for almost 1 of my credit cards thus reducing my working 2 jobs significantly.  I joined the gym (still working on getting there on a regular basis), I canceled my Netflix effective July 20, 2012 (but I'm going to pretend it's off now),  I'm sitting in a cafe drinking frozen Dulce de Leche and I'm working on my blog that I intend to post every Wednesday.

I'm a firm believer that the things in your life happen because they are supposed to, the things that don't were not supposed to, and that if you look hard enough there are learning experience to be had around every corner.  Camp is almost over and I'm headed to where I need to be with a light and happy heart.

When the "magic" happens...

For a writer, especially a fragile one, one of the worst possible things that can happen is the loss of ones work.  It cannot by any means compare to the loss of a loved one, or a family friend, but it can put you through all five steps of grief at warp speed and feel absolutely daunted afterward.

1. Denial, "Oh my god, I did not just lose 3,300 words that it took me almost a week to write."

2. Anger, "Damn it, the new program gave me the chance to save by sending myself e-mails."

3. (I went through the next two steps in reverse order) Depression, "I just don't want to try again on this story, I can't.  I'll just try and write something else."

4. Bargaining...and here is where this blog really starts to get good.

I use a program called, "My Writing Spot."  It gives me to ability to write on-line or on my iPod and then I can sync both together.  I sync a lot because I need them to be up-to-date as I have this impending fear that there is a mass potential book stealer out there stalking me and the minute I lay down my iPod he's going to steal my story, change the names of my characters, and make a zillion dollars. 

(I never said I was normal or that I made logical sense, I'm a writer.)

So as I hit the bargaining stage my brain starts screaming at me.  Write the company, see if they have magic fingers and can reach into the ether and pull the newly developing infant script out of the virtual goo, and give it back to you. 

An e-mail, went out, pined in pain.  "I don't suppose there is any way to recover something I was working on?"

A day later, "Hi there, If you have been syncing with the web app, then there's a chance that a copy of your document still resides on the server, but deleted docs are purged regularly. If you've been syncing, send me the document name and the email address that you use to sync with and I will check.

If you have not been syncing with the web app, then the only copy of the document would have been stored on your device, and the only way to recover it would be if you had done a sync and back up with iTunes recently.  Peter"

My heart lifted.  Could this be true, could Peter have save my baby?  I wrote back, "I have been doing regular syns with my iPod.  The email address I use is: raenboe@gmail.com. 

The document was titled "It's Only Deja Vu". I sent copies of the other four to my email.  THANK YOU, Suzie"  Yes, overly excited, I typed 'syns' instead of syncs. 

The same day, a little later I received an e-mail from Peter, "Hi Suzie, Good news! I was able to find and restore that document. It should be visible in the web app now. I see the three others that you deleted at the same time, so if you'd like me to restore those as well, let me know. Peter" 

Big tears welled up in my eyes, I could hear the sound of happy laughter and realized that it was my own.  I wrote back, "

OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD, Oh my God!  You are the best!!!!  I litteraly have tears in my eyes. 

You are the BEST!!!  That is the only document that means anything to me.  (there was an emoticon  clapping inserted here)  Thank you so much!"

His parting words to me, "You're welcome. I'm glad that I was able to help. :) Peter

P.S. - Now go make a backup by emailing a copy to yourself or downloading it to your local computer via the web app."

There are tech angels in the world, and I believe in miracles.  And one day Peter de Tagyos will be a character in a novel where I can write him in the wondrous light which he deserves. 

Today I will have to thank him once again, on my blog.

Re-evaluation

At what point in your life do you just throw your hands up in the air and just say, "To Hell with This!"

After just losing 3,300 words in one sitting I really just want to roll over and give up.  The story will not be the same if I start again, the character's are gone, and the humor is now in the ether.  What if was the 'one' novel; that was going to blow everyone away.  What if that was my last opportunity.

On the other hand, now I have a completely new slate.  We are only a week into Campnanowrimo, which means there is 3 weeks left.  It is exhausting, depression, daunting.

I am still in delma mode.  Do I try again, or give up?

Maybe after a good night sleep I will see this situation differently.