October 30, 2013 - Changes on the horizon

It has been 5 month since my last blog...

Blogging for me is not quite the same, as an online journal.  Isn't nearly as exciting as FB.  So, blogging has never really caught my attention.  But just as my need to write is buried deep down in my heart, so is my need for sharing words.  

This year my life is about to take three-sixty.  I am about to take one of the grandest journey's of my life.  On November 1st, I will be going to Pennington Biomedical to have blood work taken and walk on a treadmill like a little rat.  When it's all done, they are going to send me home with a liquid diet and for the next four months I will be consuming less than a thousand calories a day, while under complete medical supervision.  When I loose 10% of my current body weight they will begin incorporating foods slowly back into my diet. 

I have been big all of my life.  But, this is THE point where my weight has started to effect my health.  That ain't good, people.  I hurt more times than not, getting winded walking across the parking lot, avoid stairs, and spend more time under the TV's glow than anyone should.  Forty is hell folks, especially at my weight.  Cougar? Ha!

An opportunity has presented itself and I'm not shying away from it.  Who knows what will happen to me over the next year?  I intend to document this whole thing with my blog and photos. Quirky little witticisms and what-nots.   More laughter than tears, but I imagine when you pry that last "Sucre" cupcake from my clutches, there will be tears...we'll have to see if they are yours or mine but there will be tears.

This week, I'm sewing my royal "oats."  I don't have time for oatmeal, but I have been enjoying the last chocolate Whoppers, Jack in the Box burgers, cake, and whatever else I need to give up, to move forward.  This is my food "bachelorette party," woo-hoo.  Then it's a life of commitment to health and activity. 

I'm lucky to have a co-worker who has already started this journey.  (It's always nice when someone else makes the little groove for you to follow.) That person, we'll call them "co-worker" to keep their anonymity, has already reached the wonderful veggie and fruit stage.  But they will be my at work support system.  All my friends will be my at home support system.  Or, I will send my minions to dispatch of their bodies...mu-ah-ha-ha!

I'm starting a separate blog for this journey. 

May 1, 2013 - May Day! 

No lame excuses.  I just haven't been blogging.  I haven't been writing in my journals.  I haven't been working on my stories at all.  What I have been doing is contemplating how much trouble I would get in if I dumped all of my writing into large, metal cylinder, pour kerosene over it, and toss in a match.  I am at that point in my life where I could just walk away from my writing forever...

and then...

I'm sitting at my desk at work and someone looks over my shoulder and says, "You’re a writer?"

"Yes, I am." Without hesitation or doubt I answer.  I mean it.  And I'm proud.  I am a writer.

So, here I am wavering between self-doubt and self-loathing.  Wondering why I abuse my craft.  I am a writer, why am I not writing?  I don't stop writing.  My eyes are closed and I constructing my story.  I am an artist.  My words are my medium.  I cannot "not" write.

Ok, so I can't stop.  Now, it's time to take those steps that will propel me forward to the next level.  If I don't make it at least I tried.  And there in the truth of the matter is that, trying is the most important point.  Failure is just the universes way of asking you to do it again.

There are times when I really wished my mom was still here.  Whenever I got to the point where I would threaten to burn, shred, or delete my writing, she would offer to keep it until I wanted it back.  It never took long before I was asking for it.

Now, I just ignore it.  It's all laying in a corner waiting.  Soon, I'll come back to it.  

Very soon.

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

This maggot has begun the run.

Thank you, Dr. Mama.  http://doctormama.blogspot.com/2006/05/listen-up-maggots.html

One baby step at a time.  Old lady with walkers passing me up.  Scenery eking by at a snail pace.  Let's get this straight...30 minutes no stopping.  "Yeah, me."

Wind didn't move fast enough to blow through my hair.  But I did take in a neighborhood.  I'm already in the mindset that I can do this 3-5 times a week.  That I can do this and get stronger.  One baby step at a time.  Train the body on the motion, then get faster, then add some distance.  By next year, who knows maybe a marathon.  (smiling and clapping wildly)

On Friday, this maggot will run with fellow maggot.  She's faster than me, but she's a newbie too.  Bless her curious heart for finding Dr. Mama.  I'm starting to feel empowered, and poo on you if you "think I look silly," cause I don't see your butt out there lightly pounding sidewalk.

Baby steps...crawl, walk, run.  Run maggots, run!

Wednesday, February 6

Half way through the week never sounded so sweet.

Two more days to the work week, then four days of workless bliss.  For the non-local's this is the weekend leading to Mardi Gras.

This year is one of those wet years.  It won't stop the festivities.

Tomorrow night, in the rain, I'll be at Muses.  Friday, I'll probably by miserable.

Friday night it's going to be a pizza and movies.  I need to check out from the world for awhile.  As for the weekend.  I'll roll with it as it comes.  No promises, no demands.

January 30 - Last Wednesday in January

On Monday, I went to a lecture at the East Bank Regional Library.  The speaker was a delightful woman named Diane Aigaki.  I really had no expectations as to what I was going to see and to say that everything she said resonated with me is an understatement.

From her lecture I pulled (4) main points that seems to relate to writing, especially my writing.

#1 - Be open to serendipity, synchronicity, and messages from the universe.
Every step in my life as had some form of writing in it.  But if I had never lived in Augusta, Georgia I would have never got involved with the National Novel Writing Month (nanowrimo), by getting involved with that when I moved I connected with people in New Orleans, from them I have progressed and learned.

#2 - Believe in the value of your experience and skills; look for opportunity to use them beyond community and beyond your country.
Perhaps this is one that I need to work on.  I doubt my skills all the time.  I fight the doubt-monster all the time.  Though I have been writing off and on my whole life, I constantly let doubt keep me back.

#3 - Be flexible.  Follow your vision and your passion.
I watch other people around me and I see the joy they get from following their visions and their passions.  I want that for myself.  Yet, I seem to be the one person who holds myself back from ascertaining this goal.

#4 - Don't give up. Be persistent. Be resilient.
In the smallest way I haven't given up.  I've been writing since Junior High.  I'm still writing and learning and improving.  But I stop short of getting my work to the next stage.

But the most important writing lessons are in the revision.  Learning the craft is in the revision.  I will keep moving forward until I get a finished piece.  Thank god the week before the lecture at the East Jefferson Library was Rob Cerio.  His lecture was about revision.  I now have a check list of things to do when going through a draft.

It was meant to be.  Thank you Diane and thank you Rob.

I'm hopeful.  Thank you Diane and thank

January 16 - A cold day in the Big Easy!

Brrr.  The weather is chill--cold, it's freakin' cold.  The good news is the weather is going to warm up.  Bad news, not fast enough. 

Am I going to the parades? Not unless it warms up. 

Am I watching the AFC game?  Probably not.

Am I ok?  (silence)

I'm like the butterfly.  I blossom when the sunshine’s and the air is warm.  I stretch and smile and I just feel better.  Right now I just want to go home, light my bed on fire, and crawl in the middle until I thaw.

...and that leads me to one of my favorite poems.

"The Cremation of Sam McGee, by Robert W. Service."

Basically to guys are out in the woods, Sam's buddy puts his dead body in a crematorium, and opens the door, Sam tells him close the door he's finally warm.  I just want to be warm.

Snow on the Northshore you say, better not, I say!

January 9th

The dense fog moving into the city, behind that, rain on the way.  The perfect weather to ring in the Mardi Gras Season which started on Sunday. (Deep sarcasm)

It's not that I'm am, or I'm not, looking forward to Mardi Gras.  I much prefer when the season falls later rather than earlier.  January and February are rainy and cold.  Mardi Gras is going to run smack dab in the middle of the Super Bowl, and the Saints are not contenders this year.

Just people after people some crazy, some drunk, but a lot of them both.  Yeah. (more sarcasm) For the locals there are more important things to look forward to.  Mardi Gras Balls, Crawfish, and King Cake.

When the weather is colder, I am more likely to stay home than head out to a parade, more likely to watch TV than watch a ball.  Oddly, I'm not all that fond of King Cake, so I could pass on that completely.  My logical brain knows it is crawfish season, but somehow my taste buds aren't quite ready.  I pass gobs of places that sell them and haven't quite got to the point of stopping.

But the colors of purple, green, and gold are pretty, prettier than Christmas reds and greens.  And people are festive because they get to party but aren't forced to purchase presents for people they don't even like.  Share a King Cake, why not, maybe my arch enemy will get the plastic baby, and buy the next cake, or choke on the baby, either way, it's a win-win.

(2013) January 2

January 2, 2013

No promises, no resolutions, no demands.  A year of moving with the flow of water.  Like the Tai Chi Master with slow and measured movements.  I will take each step with purpose, knowledge, and confindence.  Little steps, baby steps...stepping on flat stones of a path that has been destined by fate, not by me.

I spent all day New Year's Eve trying to demand of myself a year where I could be the person I think I admire.  But the funny thing is, that type of admiration is almost unattainable.  It's so far up, that there are only a few people in the whole globe who could reach that height, and they probably don't know they even do. 

I pined on all the aspects of life and all it did was make me depressed.  (Too much thinking does that to me.) And so, I decided that I just was not going to demand anything from myself.  No moments off all those things that I "am going" to do.  I either will "be doing" it, or I "won't."  Live in the present, not the past or the future. 

There is one exception to this.  I am going to buy a house this year.  I've already got my pre-aproval, an agent, and now it's time to do the hard part...the house hunting.  I'm scared.  But if I can get a house for the same thing that I currently pay in rent.  Why wouldn't I take advantage of the situation and reinvest my own money instead of tossing my rent money into the empty void of capitalism.