(2013) January 2

January 2, 2013

No promises, no resolutions, no demands.  A year of moving with the flow of water.  Like the Tai Chi Master with slow and measured movements.  I will take each step with purpose, knowledge, and confindence.  Little steps, baby steps...stepping on flat stones of a path that has been destined by fate, not by me.

I spent all day New Year's Eve trying to demand of myself a year where I could be the person I think I admire.  But the funny thing is, that type of admiration is almost unattainable.  It's so far up, that there are only a few people in the whole globe who could reach that height, and they probably don't know they even do. 

I pined on all the aspects of life and all it did was make me depressed.  (Too much thinking does that to me.) And so, I decided that I just was not going to demand anything from myself.  No moments off all those things that I "am going" to do.  I either will "be doing" it, or I "won't."  Live in the present, not the past or the future. 

There is one exception to this.  I am going to buy a house this year.  I've already got my pre-aproval, an agent, and now it's time to do the hard part...the house hunting.  I'm scared.  But if I can get a house for the same thing that I currently pay in rent.  Why wouldn't I take advantage of the situation and reinvest my own money instead of tossing my rent money into the empty void of capitalism. 

Change...Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Once again I find myself balancing on the precipist called, change. As October rolls softly into Noveber, the world around me is changing.

My apartment complex has begun renivations. Supposedly, these visual modifications were set to begin in three weeks on another building. So you can imagine my surprise when I get home to find a note on my door stating that porches should be cleared by Wednesday. And to the validity of this notification, I came home to find my little plastic fencing was gone. I feel so naked. Sure I can tell myself when everything is completed it willbe nice with a sunroom and a washer and dryer. That only comforts me a little.

Work seems to costantly move in a quickened state of flux. So, I go to work thinking...what next?

Next week begins a month long word marathon. Emotionally grewling but satisfying. And for the next 30 days I shall immerse my self in this and ignore all the changes around me. All, except one, the weather. Which can happily change from hot to cool and you will get no complaints from me...until it gets below 60 degrees.

Time...

It's funny how time can just slip away.  It's been almost 5 weeks since I made a post.  Hurricanes, bad connections at the local cafe, and illness.  Excuses or explanations...you choose.

Since then I have been enjoying my weekends, as am no longer work my second job.  I must say.  The list that I created of all the things I intend to do, well, only a few things were completed.  I did clean the sliding glass doors (they look marvelous), and a project to turn a $1.00 pencil holder into a "Tardis Pencil Holder" (which doesn't look so marvelous and wasn't completed).

Is that how retirement is going to go?  List and list of things that never get completed.  Am I going to end up one of those people whose retirement consists of coffee and paper, then a nap, then tv, then another nap, till dinner time then to bed.  I sure as hell hope not.  That would truly be sad.

I intended to use my weekends to write, to go to the gym, clean the house, never happened.  What actually happened is that I watched Falling Skies, ate, and napped.   (The show was quite a cliff hanger, by the way.)

This coming weekend I'll be at a CONtraflow.  No time to really take care of the house.  Easy and fun excuse not to do anything.

So I keep promising myself.  I will start utilizing my time more effectively, I will complete all the items on my list...as soon as this last episode of Warehouse 13 goes off.

From the center of Hurricane Isaac...Wed., Aug. 29, 2012

It's 12:32 am, it's also the 7th anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.  

I decided to stay through this one.  Lots of wind and rain.  A small leak in the bathroom.  But I still have electricity for now.  One of my neighbors has a tree down, no cable, but still has power.  So over-all things are pretty good.  The worst of the storm is yet to come, they keep saying from midnight until dawn is the worse.

My theory is that due to the proximity to the hospital and and old folks home, this is the reason we still have have power.  

Social media has kept me going through this which should probably be the center focus of my blog.  I've been able to keep tabs on most of the people I know.  I've watched when their communication dropped off. Listened to the sleepless gabbing.  It's comforting.

I think I would be more scared if there were thunder and lightening along with the wind and rain.  I'm actually starting to get sleepy again.  I'll be glad when this is over.  I'd love a cup of tea and a petit four.  I know if I want this I better have this now, before the power goes.  (yes, I keep saying 'if' and 'when' because I'm pretty sure I will lose it at some future point)

Tomorrow, I'll use the day for writing.  I've goofed off enough.  I should have at least one personally productive writing day.

Ok, this post like my life right now has now central theme, nor is it organized.  It just "is."

August 15, 2012 - Not the best Wednesday

A long day at work.  The kind of busy day that you can't wait to see the end of.  Not sure it's worthy of the space I'm using, in the ether.  Thunder is rolling over head.  Could have used this rain earlier to cool it down.  I managed a quick bath but no dinner.

It's chilly in the coffee shop tonight.  Rain falling heavy.  Sun trying to shine through the rain.  Embracing the quiet.  Dreading tomorrow.

Tomorrow is the last day for my week.  Off on Friday and Saturday.  Back to work on Sunday.  Half way through August.  Closer to fall.  Ready for cooler weather.  Tired of the heat.

September, October, Nanowrimo, Christmas.

One holiday in September, then no more until November.  I' like October, love Halloween, love my city on such a wickedly delicious night.

Fatigued. Distressed. Overwhelmed. Hyper-emotional.

Thankful for what I have, thankful for who I am, and hopeful for a new day.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012 - 

Adrenaline makes its way through my system.  Damn it lady, move that car.  It's a city bus not a school bus. Go! When the bus pulls off, she eases around the corner.  Slowly.  I speed around the corner and around her on the left side.  A quick glance...shit, it's the receptionist and her granddaughter.  Guess I'll hear about that tomorrow.

I'm filled with this anger that seemed to come out of nowhere.  Everyone is jumping in my way, driving like they just turned 110 years old or that they couldn't afford gas this week.  And I suppose with the price of gas going up they might not be able to afford it.  I'm going to have to charge this week’s tank.

I'm tired, depressed, and I seemed to be expanding again. 

But it's Wednesday.  Quiet times at the local coffee shop with fellow writers, one who had completed his second novel, one, whose in a competition this weekend to complete a movie in 48 hours, the table full of artists making it happen.

Today, I toyed with the idea of going back to Grad School for Arts Administration starting spring of 2013.  I'll only have to pay 150.00 for each class and the fees and books.  I'm not going to push for more than (1) class a semester.  I have time, maybe (2) classes in the spring, we'll see.  I'd eventually like to go after my PHR certification.  But I'm not ready for that quite yet.

I've got some stories lined up.  I've got a strong idea for Nanowrimo and I'm reading a lot of material on how to write.  (Reading about the craft of writing and practicing what you learn is always a continual process). Need to study up on the best way to edit.  

Starting to calm down.  

I like my Wednesday quite time.  It's nice to see the success of those around to know what to aspire to.  

August 2, 2012 - End and Begin...

Ramadan Day 7 - the day I shattered.  Now, for those of you who know me, you'll be surprised to find out that it wasn't "food" that broke me, but "sleep."  At 4:30 am the choice of getting up to eat my predawn breakfast or sleep...sleep actually won out.  Needless to say I was ready to chuck that out the window and happily did so.

What were the lessons?

1. I love sleep and I'm willing to give up food for it.
2. I can go all day without eating and it is actually pretty easy.
3. It's really nice when the focus is drawn away from food and placed on something else.
4. I admire and respect Muslims for making it through Ramadan.

So, what next?

Don't know.  Been crying over the Olympics a lot, wishing I was something I will never be.  I know that I will ever be in the Olympics.  Not even a remote chance.  It's up there with being a ballerina or figure skater.  I just wish I had that kind of drive.

And that, really is the ultimate summary.  I am who I am.  I love food, require sleep, love TV, love to read (both in the tub and not).  I love shopping and travel and music.  I love theatre and cinema.  But I will never be driven it is not in my nature to be that focused and all things will come into my life like the gentle trickle of a small creek and not like the fast rushing river.

I am very proud of Team USA.  I will cheer and admire you from my comfy couch while in my PJ's and devouring nacho's.